RECIPES

Drunk Dumplings

DAY ONE:

Step 1: Commit to making shrimp dumplings for a dinner party

Step 2: Realize shrimp is expensive

Step 3: Consider quitting

Step 4: Buy tofu and beer

Step 5: Drink beer and find large bowl

Step 6: Sauté 1 clove of garlic and small white onion in unmeasured amount of olive oil

Step 7: Add broccoli, cabbage and carrot slaw and shitake mushrooms

Step 8: Add a smidge of water and let simmer until tender

Step 9: Drain and chop tofu into tic-tac sized pieces

Step 10: Combine all the sauces in the kitchen that seem like they'll taste good together...in this case, soy sauce, sweet chili sauce, and two teardrops of Louisiana hot sauce and Worchestire

Step 11: Coat[s] tofu evenly and shove in fridge to marinate overnight

Step 12: Drink beer.

Step 13: Remember that you're still sautéing things. Panic, cover in sauce, and add handfuls of random spices.

DAY TWO:

Step 1: Get all the shit out of the fridge that you drunkenly put away

Step 2: Combine marinated, delicious tofu with marinated, delicious vegetable goodness

Step 3: Say "how hard can wonton wrappers be?"

Step 4: Try

Step 5: Curse

Step 6-18: Spend 20 minutes rolling lumpy dumplings

Step 19: Double boil 6 testers

Step 20: Devour testers

Step 21: Decide it's good enough

Step 22: Drive to dinner party

Step 23: Celebrate victory and rave reviews because you have good friends

The morning after

Opening night

Jalapeno Pepper Peppercorn Feta Cornbread

Peppers by WellsKeptFarm!

The original inspiration:

The weekend of boats and corn

Step 1: Spend 40 mintues on Snapchat after a gig bullshitting about groceries

Step 2: Say "Peppercorn feta" an ungoldy number of times over the next 10 days

Step 3: Realize a holiday weekend is coming up

Step 4: Begin to consider cooking for a second time

Step 5: Decide to make peppercorn feta cornbread because it rolls off the tongue

Step 6: Consider buying organic cornmeal mix

Step 7: Realize Jiffy is $0.89

Step 8: Buy Jiffy

Step 9: Gather ingredients and go to the best farm in Ohio

Step 10: Combine two boxes of Jiffy, 1/3 cup cream, 1/3 cup water, 2 eggs, 2 cans of corn and 1/2 package of peppercorn feta in large bowl

Step 11: Discover ALL THE FARM FRESH PEPPERS

Step 12: Put minced jalapenos in batter. Rename dish with new syllabic flow.

Step 12: Rap about it

Step 13: Annoy everyone.

Step 14: Bake for 25 minutes

Step 15: Party on the lake. Play music for hours. Stuff face. Repeat.

COMPETITIVE SUSHI

WINNERS

Step 1: Play a sweet gig at Drifters BBQ

Step 2: Talk a lot about food with your friends that also love food

Step 3: Determine that next week's dinner party theme will be...sushi rolling (cue intimidating action movie music)

Step 4: Buy supplies

Step 5: Mostly buy wine

Step 6: Arrive at dinner party. Be grateful your rockstar hosts have done the bulk of the filling preparation

Step 7: Admire the towering volcano mound of sticky rice

Step 8: Mingle with strangers, new friends, old friends, cool people...

Step 9: Find out your rockstar hosts have decided the night is a sushi rolling competition. With teams.

Step 10: Immediately regard former friendly faces as threats and fierce competitors

Step11: Form alliances

Step 12: Establish foes

Step 13: Volunteer as the team to start rolling first (a decision soon to be regretted by everyone)

Step 14: Debate, argue, collaborate, shed tears, shed blood, finally settle on a theme dedicating seafood rolls to favorite country songs

Step 15: If I hadn't waited so long to write this recipe, I might actually remember what the ingredients of each roll were

Step 16: I remember crushing up the potato chips we were eating as a snack because we took so long to create our rolls and mixing them with wasabi, mortar and pestled wasabi peas, soy sauce and black sesame seeds. Verdict: delicious surprise ingredient

Step 17: Care. Care way too much. Care so much the other teams finish rolling before you do

Step 18: Raid kitchen in search of blue food dye to enhance the white rice of Blue Bayou (would have been so cool)

Step 19: Approach reaching time limit (aka the party's average level of hunger)

Step 20: Plate rolls carefully. Use spicy mayo liberally

Step 21: Wasabi tears

Step 22: THE GRAND UNVEILING. Each team had three members and three rolls to present on their team platter. Official judgment came from all members of the party. Each roll was considered carefully (wolfed down) and much discussion took place ("this one's yummy")

Step 23: PURE SUSHI HAPPINESS. Everyone crushed it. Everything tasted like heaven.

Step 24: The pressure...the anticipation...the final verdict...Team Bashville was declared the official winners of the sushi competition. Despite pissing everyone off. Caring is delicious.

Because space travel makes a girl hungry.

Drunk Dumplings

Jalapeno Pepper Peppercorn Feta Cornbread

COMPETITIVE SUSHI